You are Not Alone

Please note: This post is very personal. The things I've chosen to share here are in no way attempts at gaining sympathy or pity from anyone who may read this. Anyone who has experienced or is currently experiencing anything discussed here should feel free to contact me. Thank you!


The news of Robin William's death shattered the internet earlier this week. For days my news feed has been nothing but a hodgepodge of quotes from Dead Poet's Society, Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Hook.  But what caught my attention wasn't the funny memories or inspirational quotes from a great actor; it was the outcry for increased awareness of depression.

Many posts moved me deeply, and a few brought me to tears. But the ones that stood out for me the most were a few short, yet powerful tweets from a coworker and good friend.

*screenshots were used with permission*

I learned that I suffered from depression and anxiety disorders in December of 2013.  For the next few months, I endured the most difficult trials I had ever faced: trials I had never imagined would fall before me.I found myself struggling to find motivation or desire to do things that I used to love. I couldn't bring myself to go to my classes, much less do the required work. I felt completely hopeless as I watched my life fall apart in front of me. I felt like there was nothing I could do. But I was luckier than a lot of people. I sought help, which I was able to find from doctors, counselors, and friends.

While I still struggle occasionally with feelings of sadness, loneliness, and worthlessness, I know that I am loved. I know that I have a family that will support me through all of my trials. I know that I have friends who are constantly looking out for me and serving me. Most importantly, I know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ love me. 

Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (the second-highest governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) spoke to all members of the Church in October of 2013 in a talk called "Like a Broken Vessel." He said, 

"Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than 

you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so 

movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for 

you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for

 you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.”  Never,

 ever doubt that, and never harden your heart."

 (See full talk here. I highly recommend it.)

As Joseph Smith sat in Liberty Jail, feeling utterly alone, he cried out to his Heavenly Father, saying "O God, where art thou? And where is the pavillion that covereth thy hiding place?" The Lord's response has been my favorite scripture for years (D&C 121:7-8).

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; 

thine adversity and thine 

afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, 

God shall exalt thee on high;

thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."

Heavenly Father didn't tell Joseph He was going to take his trials away. He didn't even say He would make them easier. But what He did say was that He was aware of his struggles, and if he persevered, he would be rewarded.

In the past few months, I have learned to find joy in the smallest aspects of life. In fact, that discovery is what inspired the title of this blog (as cliche and it may sound). I see these fleeting moments as a reminder from Heaven that all hope is not lost. Whether it be a beautiful sunset, an unexpected text from a friend, or a smile from a stranger, I have realized that by focusing on the beautiful and happy things of life, however seemingly insignificant, we can know that we are constantly being watched over and protected.

If anyone struggles with depression, anxiety, or other mental disorder, please understand the following:

You are important.

You are strong.

You are of worth.

You are loved.

You are not alone.

Overwhelmed

It's not uncommon for me to feel overwhelmed. Quite frankly, being overwhelmed has almost become my permanent mental state. But today, I felt overwhelmed in a way I have never felt before: spiritually overwhelmed.

This week I signed a lease on my new apartment, moved in, met my roommates for the first time, started a new job, and attended my new ward. I was most skeptical about the last part. Singles wards are awkward no matter who you are or where you go. Honestly, most of them should be called "There's a Reason Why I'm Single" Wards. But this ward is something different.

After some incredible talks and testimonies, I didn't think my first Sunday could go any better. That is, until Relief Society started.

If you haven't watched this video, I suggest you do so immediately.

Instant chills.

I was immediately and entirely overwhelmed by the love of my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I fully realized the capacity at which they care for me.

I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine

To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,

That He would extend His great love unto such as I,

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

Oh, it is wonderful that He would care for me enough to die for me.

Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I truly know that my Redeemer lives. He suffered for not only the sins of the world, but also the pains, sufferings, and afflictions of any man or woman who has ever lived or will ever live. He brought His magnificent gospel to the Earth, a gospel so great and perfect, men were willing to sacrifice their lives for it. 

I know that my Redeemer lives! 

What comfort this sweet sentence gives.